SAA Orange Tail

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IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT

From an airline Captain with more than three decades in the airline industry. He says “I never really understood how airline ticket pricing worked until I read this analogy. Perhaps some of the airline pilots and passengers on your website might also appreciate this.”

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is R25 a litre, and we have 60 different prices up to R200 a litre.

Customer: What’s the difference in the paint?  
Clerk: Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I’d like some of that R25 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It’s my day off. 
Clerk:  Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the R200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the R25 paint? 
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in 21 days, or about 3 weeks.  
But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You’ve got to be *&%^#@* kidding!  
Clerk:  I’ll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!  
Clerk: But it doesn’t mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend.  
Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to R36. We don’t have any more R25 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking? 
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many liters do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe 20 liters. Make that 25, so I’ll have enough. 
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy paint and don’t use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have. If you change any colours there is a R200.00 change fee, even if it is the same brand. Also, no refunds.

Customer: WHAT?  
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!  
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don’t, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night!  
Clerk: Oh yes! Every liter you bought automatically becomes the R200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, “Paint on sale from R12 a litre”, signs? 
Clerk: Well that’s for our budget paint. It only comes in half-liters. One R6 half-liter will do one wall of a room. The second half-liter to complete the room is R20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: To hell with this! I’ll buy what I need somewhere else!  
Clerk: I don’t think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won’t be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be R300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was R200! 
Clerk: That’s if you paint right around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different. 

Customer: And if I buy R200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you’ll confiscate the remaining paint. 
Clerk: Yes, and we’ll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you’re getting it now, sir.

Customer: You’re insane!
Clerk: Thanks for painting with QANTAS!


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THE PILOT AND THE PRIEST

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’   The guy replies, ‘I’m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.’ 
Saint Peter consults his list.  He smiles and says to the pilot, ‘Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.’  
The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the priest’s turn.
He stands erect and booms out,  ‘I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.’
Saint Peter consults his list.  He says to the priest:  ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

‘Just a minute,’ says the good father. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?
‘Up here – we go by results,’ says Saint Peter

‘When you preached – people slept. 
When he flew, people prayed.’    (thanks Frances Frazer for sending this one)

  

     
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